Road Runner: “Runners of the Religious Watch Wearing Factions, Triathletes, and the Club of Suburban Child Bearing Middle Class. Could be of the Suunto, Garmin, or Polar denominations.”
Trail Runner: “The runners who claim that they went on a “run” where they hiked half of it and climbed over fallen tree logs the other half of the outing. Look up James Varner in the Trailepedia. Didn’t find him? Oh, yeah! He’s still out bushwhacking in the middle of nowhere. I mean “running”.”
Definitions from: http://www.wilddefined.com/2013/10/the-every-persons-guide-to-trail.html
Before we get in to this, let me start by saying that I have nothing but respect for ALL runners. This is just for fun with a little truth thrown in here and there. I started on the roads and will run them in a pinch, but once I was exposed to the beauty of the trails, I never looked back. So, here we go. These are some of the differences between road running and trail running.
Terrain
Basically, the terrain for road runners is asphalt. Period end of story. For trail runners, we get asphalt, dirt, mud, rocks, roots, water, pine needles, logs, wooden bridges, and leaves. I’m sure that I forgot a few too, but you get the picture. Now, the road folk will tell you that at least they don’t fall very often, which is very true. Us trail folk on the other hand, wear our scabs and scars like little badges of bad assdom! And the uneven terrain works all of our muscles and ligaments from many different angles often improving our overall strength in the lower extremities.
Elevation
Most road runners have to go and find a hill to actually do a hill repeat work out and, I will say that there are some courses that are notorious for their hills. But… hills are naturally part of a trail run and in regard to courses with elevation, how about 18,000 feet or climbing and almost 23,000 feet of descent for the Western States 100 Miler?! Umm… yeah.
Distance
When you hear a road-guy say that he’s got 30 on the schedule, it usually means a 30-minute run or workout. When you hear a trail-gal say it, she usually means 30 miles! This is important, keep it in mind the next time your trail running friend asks you along for a “little” run. Now, to be fair to the road peeps, they be fast! I don’t mean a little faster either, I mean smoke. These crazy folks do things like run a mile in six minutes, or less! Who does that? No; trail bums generally slow down due to the terrain and all of the twists and turns in the trail. However, there are a group of young studs out there redefining what is possible in the trail running sport. Jim Walmsley just ran the Western States 100 Miler in 14 hours and 30 minutes! That is an 8 minute and 45 second mile-pace for 100 miles!!!
The Gear
The road running types have some cool shoes, socks, shorts, singlets, sunglasses, lube products, and maybe; maybe, a handheld bottle. Us trail birds have all of that stuff, except the singlet, never, ever, wear a singlet. But, we have awesome stuff like hydration vests where we can literally wear our hydration and carry food. We also usually wear dope ass stuff like trucker hats that say “MACHINE” on them! (Obvious merch plug, click here to purchase!) And while I admit that they have some cool shoes, ours are cooler. They are generally built like lightweight tanks to provide stability, protection, and stain resistance for things like vomit and blood.
Hygiene
The road types probably have the trail types beat here. They usually have nice short hair and a clean-shaven face, they hit the showers after like 26.2 miles, and they usually have more toe nails then we do. For us, hygiene is when you hit a river crossing and decide to submerge your entire body because you know, you still have 47 miles to go and it’s hot. Long hair and longer beards are not just ok, they are encouraged. Besides, the best way to scare a bear is to look and smell, like a bear.
Aid Stations
Not even close here. Marathons normally have water, electrolyte, bananas, gels, and some watermelon; if you’re lucky. And marathoners hit those aid stations and are gone before you know it. Trail rats on the other hand, we take our time in the aid stations. There is so much to choose from! We have all that stuff the marathoners have, but we also have flat coke, pizza, skittles, cookies, soup, baked potatoes, tacos, and anything else that a motivated aid station crew can come up with. We say that we vomit because we have stomach issues from running such long distances, but I concede that it might; MIGHT, be something else.
Vocab
We have a lot of the same vocab, but it usually means very different things, and then there is just some vocab that is trail specific. Sub-5 for road runners means going sub 5 minutes in a mile, for trail runners, it means sub 5 hours for some distance like a 40 miler. A bonk is a bonk, but for road runners the context is usually something like this, “I was crushing that marathon and then I bonked at mile 22 and finished in 3 hours.”. For trail runners, the context is usually something like this, “I bonked like 6 times during that 100 miler and had to drag ass through the pain cave each time until I recovered enough to start running again.”. Then of course there is the plethora of trail lingo such as these gems: trail stoke, shit kit, face plant, vert, buckle owner, buckle party, golden ticket, FKT (Fastest Known Time), technical, buffed single track, pacer, crew, drop bag, etc.
So, there it is! The differences between road running and trail running. Now you know, and like GI Joe said, “Knowing is half the battle.”. I happen to have a little run scheduled, want to join me?
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